


There's a logical explanation.

by areeskimosreal



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 06:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16969302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areeskimosreal/pseuds/areeskimosreal
Summary: Arriving home early proves to be traumatising.





	There's a logical explanation.

“ I feel bloody silly Cath, don't think it's broken though “

“ It's more the bump on your head I'm worried about , not your arm . Honestly what was Graham thinking about, you don't use pallet trucks as scooters, I'll have him in for a chat, arse that he is “

“ Please don't sack him Cath, it's his first job, he got a fright as well, knocking the bosses wife on her arse first week ain't a good start “

“ Well Dave's not in so I'll give him an arse kicking and leave it at that”

“ He carried me to the first aid room, strapping big lad for 16 isn't he ?”

“ You got John yet ?” Cath asked.

“ No but he did say him and Jim were doing something today, if they're playing he won't hear me”

“ I'll phone a taxi for you then”

“ Honest Cath I'm fine, I'll go back to work “

“ My God, Kayleigh Kitson refusing the chance to get off work early, that head knock must be worse than I thought “ Cath laughed.

“ Redmond, I'm Kayleigh Redmond now remember, must be John's work ethic rubbing of on me eh ?”

“ I'll phone a taxi , go home surprise him “

“Yea that'll be nice, I suppose, have a bit home time together through the week”

 

The taxi dropped her off at the end of her drive, she noticed their car in the drive, funny she could have sworn John said he was going to Jim's, change of plan obviously . She decided to sneak in, her and John enjoyed scaring the bejesus out of each other , Mandy thought them weird but it was fun to them.

She slowly closed the front door , slipped her shoes off and hung her jacket on the newel post, no sign of him downstairs, so she crept upstairs. She could hear music coming from their bedroom, she swung the door open quickly, and gasped.

John was standing wearing womens underwear including her good stockings and suspender belt , red lipstick, eyeshadow and mascara, as she opened the door Jim exited their en suite, also wearing womens underwear, and full makeup.

“ You look lovely John darling” he said, standing with his hands on his hips.

They both heard her gasp, and snapped their heads round to see a wide eyed Kayleigh staring at them with her hands covering her mouth, tears in her eyes.

“ Hiya love “ John said smiling. Then he realised what she was seeing .” Shit “

Kayleigh turned and ran down the stairs,

“ No wait love , it's not, I'm not , we're not “ John shouted after her. “ Kayleigh wait ! “

As he went to run after her Jim stepped into the door frame to shout to her, he and John collided and they landed in a heap.

“ Out the effing way Jim you dick “

“ Sorry mate , it's the heels “

John eventually reached the front door in time to see their car turn into the road , he was half way down the drive in pursuit when he realised how he was dressed, he headed back indoors sharpish.

John went into the lounge to retrieve his phone, he phoned Kayleigh, but it kept going to voicemail,

“ Kayleigh love it's me, phone me when you get this message love, honest you'll laugh when I tell you what was happening, love you “

“ No luck .“ Jim asked tucking his shirt into his trousers, having gotten changed.

“ No ,I've left a voicemail “

“ Go get changed buddy, I'll give you a lift, she's probably gone to her Mandy,s eh ?”

“ Aye probably “

“ Right Jim let's go “ John said a short time later.

“ You going like that then?”

“ Like what .?”

Jim nodded towards the hall mirror.

“ Jesus” John said, seeing he was still wearing lipstick and mascara, “ best sort that “

“ Best do “

****************************

Steve heard the Fiat hitting the speed bumps, before he saw it , it came to a lurching stop at his driveway end. Kayleigh was driving , still in her works uniform,

“ Finished already love ? “

“ Oh so finished Steve, you have no idea “

She went inside and slammed the door.

“ Mmm trouble in paradise, best keep me nose out “ he thought.

“ Nooo way “

“ Yes way Mandy, I'm still in shock , look “ Kayleigh held her right hand out in front of her to show it shaking .

“ There's got to be a logical explanation Kayleigh “

“ Go on then, think of one “

“ You got it wrong ? “ Mandy said unconvincingly

“ Oh did I, let's see, did I go home ?, yes , were my husband and his Male friend dressed in women's underwear ?, again yes, did said friend tell my husband he was looking lovely , that's a yes as well. Did I get it wrong ?, no Mandy I didn't. “

“ He’s not gay Kayleigh, he can't be, I mean you and him are at it like bloody rabbits “

“ Maybe he's doing that to hide it “

“ Now you're being stupid Kayleigh “

“ Transvestite maybe, closet transexual ?” Kayleigh continued.

“ I'm still not convinced Kayleigh, no way “

“ He was in my underwear Mandy !”

“ No he wasn't “

“ I was there you know ? “

“ No offence Kayleigh but no way on earth did John get into your underwear, he weighs twice what you do , he couldn't get your knickers up his thighs nevermind round his waist , and he's what a 50 inch chest ?, even your big bras wouldn't go round him, no he must have bought it “

“ Well thank you Mandy Price , you certainly know how to set a worried mind at rest“

“ Sorry sis “

At that they heard the door open and John shout ,

“ Kayleigh , Kayleigh we need to talk “

*************************************

Steve had watched Jim's van as it came up the road , it smoothly stopped , Jim waved to Steve as he got out and walked towards him .

“ She inside ?” John asked as he headed to the front door, Steve nodded.

“ Wait till you hear this one Steve “ Jim smiled “you'll piss yourself when you hear this”

Steve watched John open the front door and shout Kayleigh's name, he went in and shut the door behind him.

**************************************

“ Mandy please tell that dirty pig pervert “ she pointed to John “ that I don't want to speak to him ever again .

“ Mandy will you tell your sister that ……..”

“ Oh for christ sake the two of you grow up , you're in the same bloody room , I'm leaving you to it , talk “

With that Mandy left the living room and shut the door.

“ Well “ Kayleigh was standing with her arms crossed, not best pleased , “ Are you really going to try to talk your way out of this, sicko ?”

“ Rocky Horror Show “ John said smiling.

“ Oh it was a horror show alright, no wife should see that, you're disgusting the pair of you”

“ No Kayleigh, THEE Rocky Horror Show , Frankfurter and that “

“ What ? “

“ The movie , The Rocky Horror Show, Tim Curry, have you not seen it ?”

“ No “

“ Seriously ?“

“ What's that to do with you dressing in womens underwear? “

“ Look” , John said getting his phone out “ Watch this, Jim and me were going to add these to our set for a bit of a laugh, two old gits dressed like that ,” he pointed to the YouTube clip, “ would bring the house down eh ?“

“ So you were seeing how you looked in women's wear for the gig and that's all there is to it ?“ Kayleigh asked .

“ Yes, wait, what do you mean all there is to it ?”

“ Nothing , just asked that's all, where did you get it all by the way ?, “

“ Jim's sister got it from charity shops, I'm a plus size apparently, but it was your stockings and sussies, sorry”

“ Me too, but it was a shock , my husband and his friend in the bedroom dressed like that, I was traumatised John, it was awful “

“Aye I Imagine it must have been, I mean it wasn't even a matching set “ he chuckled

“ Well you're learning something from me then, always have a matching set “

“ Three pairs of knickers per bra, ain't it “

“ Spot on John, you do pay attention after all “

“ Right we heading home then ? “

“ Sure John let's go “

 

As they went out the front door, they were met by Steve , Mandy and Jim doing the Time Warp, well making an attempt while laughing hysterically.

 

Two weeks later John and Jim were sitting on stools backstage at a gig, getting ready for their next set, their new set.

“ Stop laughing Jim, I can't do it right if you're laughing,”

“ Sorry love , it's that git “ he slapped John's thigh

“ John behave, you two don't have long to get this done “ Kayleigh said smiling.

“ Jim ?”

“ What now John ?”

“ Imagine if me dad was here like he used to be, watching the two of us, dressed in ladies underwear, getting our makeup done to a professional standard”

“ At least it's his daughter in law doing it , not a son in law “

“ Jim “ Kayleigh exclaimed as John went into hysterics, “ if he cries his mascara will run “

“ Oh God, I've started know “ Jim said

“ I give up “ said Kayleigh walking away, a huge smile on her face.


End file.
